Your mom is like the Commodores – easy like Sunday morning.

You gotta love similes. Even though it’s a stupid word – simile – it’s a great tool in humor. Every comedian uses them and every seventh grade English teacher tries to teach them.

During the last Rape Prevention Seminar I helped to instruct, I felt a sense of enlightenment. We were working on ground work and the ladies were doing really well. One woman in particular was having a little trouble with the technique. This is where the women practice situations as if their attacker manages to get them to the ground and gets on top of them.

What follows still kinda baffles me today.

I had a group of eight to nine women and they were all taking turns beating the sh** out of me. This one lady was next and I got on top of her and she performed the post and roll perfectly.

When we got up to cycle through the next person, this conversation followed:

Woman: “It’s tough to roll you. You’re pretty solid.”
Me: Kinda half laughed. "Thanks...."
Woman: “Yeah, you’re like....a freakin moose.”
Me: “……”

What do you say to that? Is it even a compliment? What, I look like Bullwinkle now? I’m six foot, two-fifteen. Ok, so yeah, I’m a little big. But a moose?! A MOOSE?! I still laugh when I think about it.

A moose……hahahaha!